


nothing vinetured, nothing gained

by AlexSeanchai (EllieMurasaki)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: #LetAdrienEat2K19, Adrien grows a spine, Animal Traits, Episode: s03 Caméléon | Chameleon, Episode: s03 Papa-Garou | Weredad, F/M, Identity Reveal, sitting these two clowns down to talk about their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 18:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17648111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieMurasaki/pseuds/AlexSeanchai
Summary: "It's just…when Marinette was telling me why everything happened, I was getting so mad at you. You'remine, and no one gets to take you away from me. And I was so happy you turned her down because of me." Ladybug bit her lip. "But that isn't fair. I'm not yours. I've been telling you all along there's someone else I want, and you have every right to decide that means you're going to find someone else yourself.""Why would I want someone else?" Chat asked, perplexed."Shut up, that's not my point." Ladybug drummed her fingertips on his leg. "If you and I don't agree that we are each other's and no one else's, then I have no right to be so much as mildly annoyed at the thought of you wanting anyone but me. I have noright," she repeated. "Ishouldn'tbe upset! But Marinette was telling this story in the order it happened, and until she got to where you turned her down because of me, I was somadat you."Chat ate a macaron so he wouldn't have to answer."I shouldn't be mad at you," she said again. "Why was I?"





	nothing vinetured, nothing gained

" _Hey, chaton. I think we need to talk. It's not urgent, and it isn't really important either. Probably. I don't know if it's something you **want** to talk about—I mean, **I** don't—but it's definitely going to keep bothering me until we do talk about it. Which means it'll affect our teamwork and stuff, and—you're important to me, Chat. I don't want to screw things up with you because I don't know how to talk about things like an adult, you know?_

" _So, today is Saturday,_ " today's date, " _and I plan to be on a particular balcony at sunset tonight. The same one you co-opted the day we fought Glaciator, remember? If you get this before, oh, midnight, please come? If not, or if you can't tonight, let me know and we'll figure something else out. Okay? See you, minou._ "

Chat Noir saved the voicemail and closed his baton with a sigh. In Adrien's experience, _we need to talk_ never went anywhere good.

_You're important to me, Chat._

Ladybug didn't _say_ things like that. Except now and again when he was too obviously up emotional shit creek and was therefore having trouble doing his job, which…sort of cast doubt on her sincerity.

"She wouldn't hurt me," Chat whispered to the dusky Paris skies. "She wouldn't want to hurt me."

That didn't mean she _wouldn't_ hurt him. It never had.

He really didn't want to have this talk.

But then, she didn't either. She'd said. And for all she was saying it _wasn't_ important, it was clearly important _enough_. She wouldn't have called if it weren't.

"Fine," grumbled Chat. "Let's find out how painful this will be."

And yeah. Of course he remembered that balcony.

Ladybug spotted him when he was still several rooftops away. Chat landed deftly on the balcony and glanced around. "Really pulling out all the stops tonight, huh, LB?" He grinned, trying not to let her catch the trend of his thoughts from his expression: _this looks like a date_ —picnic basket full of goodies, scattered LED candles, and had she _seriously_ appliquéd trails of bright red ladybugs and electric green paw prints to this black cotton blanket?— _but I know it's not a date, and you have to know that hurts._

He would remember if he'd seen merch like this online, right? "Did you make the blanket? It looks great."

Ladybug blushed, a rare and beautiful look on her. "Yeah. All me. I thought you'd like it." She patted it beside her. "Come sit."

"And you brought food!" Chat continued, plopping down. "Oh, awesome, Tom and Sabine's! You really know the way to my heart, my lady."

Ladybug blushed harder and looked away.

"…now I'm worried." Chat looked her over. Nothing was shouting 'something's wrong'…well, nothing _else_.

"Um," said Ladybug, which didn't settle his nerves.

"Is something wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Well, that clears that up."

Ladybug huffed. "Eat your food, Chat."

He started rifling through the picnic basket. "Are you trying to butter me up for something?" There were no fewer than eight T&S boxes, differently shaped. One had _LB_ scribbled on the top. "No bun intended."

Ladybug snorted. "No. I just figured out why it's so easy to throw you around, that's all. There's no fat on you and not enough muscle, which means there's no way you eat enough for as active as you are."

Chat rolled his eyes, pulling out the insulated lunch box. "Gluttony is a sin, you know." On the other hand, free food. He opened the lunch box. "What's with the million condiments?"

"There's lunch meats, too. And a couple cans of tuna, and some sodas, and the biggest box has two kinds of sandwich bread." She smiled. "I don't know what you like."

He grabbed the ranch dressing and the sweet pickle relish. "I used to hate fish," he told her, digging for the tuna. "Salmon especially, you could not get me to eat that for love nor money. Guess my mother's favorite entrée."

"Salmon?"

"Grilled salmon," Chat confirmed, opening the can. "With this lemony marinade. I got sent to bed without dinner every couple of weeks for _years_ because I could not convince myself to _eat_ any."

Ladybug winced.

Chat paused. "LB?"

She shook her head. "I keep trying to tell myself the rest of your life can't be as bad as I think, and then you say something like _that_."

He had to be imagining the pain in her voice. "It's fine. I'm fine. Everything got a lot better the day I met you."

Ladybug laid her hand on his knee. "Oh, chaton."

Chat stared down at the open can, then grabbed one of the paper cups to drain the can's water content into. "I think I'd like the grilled lemony salmon fine now. We haven't had it in…a while."

"I'd like to get that recipe," she said softly.

"I can try to find it?" He shrugged, stirring together his tuna salad. "You really don't have to feed me, you know. Nobody actually tries to stop me eating as much as I want. I just don't want anyone to know I'm not the one eating all the stinky cheese I buy."

"Chat Noir." Ladybug put her hand on his nearer cheek and swiveled his head so he had to meet her solemn eyes. "Eat."

He couldn't help but smile.

"And hey, at least _your_ improved taste buds won't get you any funny looks," she went on. "You're welcome to try what's in the box marked for me, but I have to warn you, you may not care for chocolate chip cricket cookies."

Chat stared at her, then—he couldn't help it!—burst out laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Ladybug grumbled, though she seemed more performing annoyed than feeling it. "I'm spending _way_ too much time googling more things I can cook with cricket flour. I'm always hungry otherwise. More plebeian proteins just don't cut it anymore."

Still snickering, Chat grabbed the _LB_ box and stuffed one of its cookies in his mouth. "Huh. Not bad."

"You're the first to think so." She started nibbling on a cookie.

Chat finished assembling his sandwich and took a large bite, chewing contemplatively and swallowing before saying, "But you didn't call me to talk about our new favorite foods."

"No." Ladybug took a deep breath, then blew it out again. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is usually good."

She snorted. "It didn't start at the beginning, though. I'm pretty sure."

Chat raised his eyebrows at her.

"Ugh. I'm screwing this up already." Ladybug squeezed his knee. "I need you to know, before I say anything else, that you are one of the most important people in my life. I value our partnership more than anything, I _hate_ watching you get hurt, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

Chat swallowed his mouthful. "But you think you're about to hurt me."

"Maybe. Probably. I don't know."

He switched his sandwich to his left hand so he could rest his right on her shoulder. Whatever this was, it sounded like it was hurting _her_. If making that stop hurt him? Well, it wasn't going to be the first time and it wouldn't be the last. "Talk to me."

"Marinette told me what happened last weekend."

"Oh." There were a lot of places she could be going with that. None of them seemed good. "I didn't want to hurt her like that."

Ladybug smiled a little. "I know. And honestly, if M. Dupain hadn't been hearing wedding bells, everything would have been fine. Which is on him, not you—I mean, Saturday was the first you knew about this, right?" Chat nodded, and Ladybug continued, "Even if you'd wanted anything with Marinette, after that no one would blame you for wanting nothing more to do with her."

Chat took another bite, considering possible responses. While one of the things he loved about the freedom the mask gave him was that Chat Noir could _be_ reckless and impulsive in ways Adrien did not dare, somehow he didn't think that was going to help anything tonight.

"I'm yours," he said finally. "I'm…um, 'flattered' isn't strong enough? And I can't say I'm happy she feels like that about me, because if she didn't, I couldn't have hurt her." He took another bite. "I think what I mean is, people don't _say_ things like that about me. With or without the mask. Not and mean them."

She looked guiltily away.

"LB?"

Ladybug squeezed his knee. "Finish that thought."

Chat ate the last bite and reached for more bread and the roast beef. "Marinette's wonderful. I knew that years ago. I think I could fall in love with her really easily, if I wanted to." And it would make Marinette very happy if Adrien did. Or so he had thought until Saturday night. —Why was Ladybug blushing? "But I'm _yours_."

"I know," she said softly. "It's just…when Marinette was telling me why everything happened, I was getting so mad at you. You're _mine_ , and no one gets to take you away from me. And I was so happy you turned her down because of me." She bit her lip. "But that isn't fair. I'm not yours. I've been telling you all along there's someone else I want, and you have every right to decide that means you're going to find someone else yourself."

"Why would I want someone else?" Chat asked, perplexed.

"Shut up, that's not my point." Ladybug drummed her fingertips on his leg. "If you and I don't agree that we are each other's and no one else's, then I have no right to be so much as mildly annoyed at the thought of you wanting anyone but me. I have no _right_ ," she repeated. "I _shouldn't_ be upset! But Marinette was telling this story in the order it happened, and until she got to where you turned her down because of me, I was so _mad_ at you."

Chat ate a macaron so he wouldn't have to answer.

"I shouldn't be mad at you," Ladybug said again. "Why was I?"

Another macaron.

"I'm not an expert on matters of the heart," he said at last. "I'm the least well socialized person I know, ask anyone. Emotional anything is mostly uncharted territory. So I'm making this up on the fly and hoping it helps." He took out a bottle of cola. "But one thing I'm pretty sure of is, emotions don't listen well to _shouldn't_. So forget about that part. There must be some reason you were feeling that way. I don't know it," Chat cautioned. The seed of hope his heart had been nurturing for two years was beginning to crack open, ready to shoot forth and blossom, but he didn't want to think about that, really. "So let's figure it out."

She nodded. "Yeah. Let's."

Chat drank some of his cola. Ladybug reached for another bottle.

"You said you're not mine." He already missed the warmth of her hand on his knee. "Why is that?"

Ladybug ate a cricket cookie.

"What would have to change for you to be mine?" he tried again. "If you _were_ mine, why would that be?"

She took another cricket cookie, thoughtful. "I think you think that's all the same question. Just phrased different ways." Which it _was_ , he didn't reply. "I'm not so sure. Because when you said that just now, that I'm not yours, I thought, _of course I'm yours_." She stared across the street, at the illuminated window that told Chat Marinette was busy in her bedroom. "Even though you were only repeating the same thing I just said."

"So," said Chat, feeling like he was being torn in two across the diaphragm, his stomach plummeting even as his heart fluttered skyward, "what is it we mean here when we say 'I'm yours' or 'you're mine'?"

"More than one thing, I guess." Ladybug contemplated the hand that was no longer on his knee. "Definitely things we shouldn't get confused. The one I think you meant a minute ago is, you're in love with me, but I'm not in love with you."

Yeah, he'd figured. It still hurt. "Why is that?"

Ladybug snorted. "Hell if I know. If I had a choice about it, I _would_ be."

His heart stopped.

"—Chat?"

He coughed. "You shouldn't say things like that," he told her, trying to sound more cheerful than he felt. "You'll start giving me ideas."

"I mean it, minou." She sounded irritated, though with him or with herself, he couldn't say. "Not that the other guy is less than perfect—but that's not important now. _You're_ my partner, Chat Noir. No one else. And I don't think you have any idea how incredible you are." She glanced toward Marinette's window again, and back. "I certainly don't make a habit of telling you." She paused, studying his face. "Which I think I should work on. Because you light up every time."

Chat's face heated. "Do I?"

"I like it when you're happy," Ladybug told him. Simple, direct, and entirely unprecedented. Adrien's happiness was never something anyone cared about but Adrien. "If all it takes to make you happy is saying something like, I don't know, 'you figured out what to do with the sailboat as fast as I did'—see, that's exactly what I mean!" She scooted closer, bunching up the blanket between their butts, and threw her arm around his shoulders. "All I have to do is tell you one true thing, even something I expect you to know already because you pick up so fast on everything else I'm thinking, and it's like watching the sunrise."

He really didn't know what his face was doing right now. "People don't say things like that to me," he reminded her. "Not and mean them."

"Well, they should." Ladybug pulled him a little bit closer. "You deserve so much better than me, chaton. I _wish_ I were in love with you."

"Why?" Chat asked through a suddenly tight throat.

She sighed. "What you want from me is something I can't give you…but if I loved you like that, I could."

"And if you loved me like that, it would make sense you'd be upset over my maybe liking Marinette," Chat said. "Because then we would be each other's and it would be fair to shut everyone else out. Do I have that right?"

"Yeah. But I don't, so we aren't, and it's not, so I shouldn't."

Chat considered this.

"Tell me about the other guy," he decided.

"Sizing up the competition?"

"…Something like that."

"You're perfect how you are," Ladybug informed him. "Don't go getting the idea I'll like you better if you try to be him only more so."

"I wasn't thinking that," Chat retorted, mostly truthfully. "More like…" Shit, how to phrase what he _did_ mean? That little sprout of hope was still tickling the inside of his heart, but— "Are you in love with him? And how do you know?"

"Yeah." He could hear her smile. "He's amazing, Chat. He's kind, and thoughtful, and he's got the _worst_ sense of humor—I want to introduce you someday, actually, and then run for cover because the pun war will never _stop_."

Chat laughed. "Please. It will be a three-sided war and you know it."

"You're absolutely right. Punfortunately." Chat elbowed her, because that really wasn't up to standard. She giggled, then sobered. "He's not entirely without flaw—like, I swear his father surgically removed his spine, because he doesn't stand up to anybody. I mean, he'll sneak around them, but that doesn't always work." She paused. "So you know I'm not totally starry-eyed over a pretty picture here. I've had that sort of crush before and it always crashed and burned when I realized whoever it was had human failings."

"I never doubted you," said Chat virtuously.

"I know." Ladybug hesitated—shook her head. "He made a horrible first impression. That was my fault; I misjudged him and I jumped to conclusions. He apologized anyway, and he helped me with something, and—I don't know. I just _knew_."

"And with me," Chat said slowly, "you never got that lightning bolt. You never _knew_."

"Yeah." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Chat."

He gazed out at the sparkling lights of the city after sunset. "I don't think I ever told you how I fell in love with you."

"No," Ladybug agreed. "You don't have to now, either. I mean. Unless you want."

"I do want." He regarded the roast beef sandwich he had barely started eating. "Day two. When you told Hawkmoth to kiss both our asses."

"I said no such thing!"

Chat snickered. "No, but it's what you meant, right?" She growled, then flapped a hand, conceding. "I told myself right then. Whoever you are under this mask, I love you. _But_ ," he said, before she could answer that. "But I don't think that's actually when."

"What? Why not?"

He paused to order his thoughts. "After that moment, anyone could have asked me at any time how I felt about you, and I would have said I'm in love with you. I wouldn't have been lying. I thought I did all along. But early on, it wasn't true."

Ladybug was oddly still beside him.

"It's true now," Chat continued. "Or at least I think it is. I might look back next year and realize it wasn't true yet. I don't know when it changed, you see. I don't know when I knew you enough to love you." Was this a good time to slide his arm around her waist, or a bad one? "I don't think I can point to any one moment at all and say I didn't love you before then, but after then, I did. Unless we're talking about the moment we met, but I don't think that should count, you know? I didn't fall in love at first sight."

She lifted her head, and he turned his: he wanted to watch her face.

"I never got that lightning bolt," Chat told her. "I'm still in love with you."

Ladybug's expression was one of those she wore when puzzling out a Lucky Charm. "Because you decided you should be," she said slowly.

"No." Screw it, he was going to hold her anyway. "When you told Hawkmoth to kiss our ass, you handed me a seed. And I wanted to watch it bloom. So I planted it and watered it, and—I dunno. I'm not a gardener and I'm done trying to figure out this metaphor."

"You worked at it." She was staring at him like he'd sprouted wings, or like she'd never seen someone more beautiful. "You _chose_ to love me. You _keep_ choosing."

"And I keep finding more about you to love." Daringly, Chat lifted one hand—he stopped before he touched her face, but didn't drop it. "Heroes' Day. Rena Rouge and Carapace were more interested in being mushy than paying attention. Don't tell them I said that. And Queen Bee and I were joking around. Not that there's anything wrong with that." Ladybug's gaze rested on Chat's hand, hovering centimeters from her face. "But we didn't have our heads all the way in the game, either. Not like you did—you were thinking _this could be endgame_ and you just…focused." He shrugged. "I mean, that's why I _do_ it—if I'm thinking of my next joke, I'm not getting lost inside my head, so I'm paying better attention to what's happening." He glanced away, not wanting to watch her reaction. "And also my head's a scary place to be."

Ladybug took his hovering hand and pressed it to her soft cheek. "I want to hurt everyone who has ever hurt you," she whispered.

"Please don't," Chat said, still looking over the city. "You'd have to start with you."

"I know. Look at me, chaton." Reluctantly, he did. Her eyes were shining, though why, he couldn't be sure. "I know, and I'm _sorry_ , and I want to _fix_ it."

"It's not that easy," he said, wondering when the conversation had gone off the rails.

"I think it could be." Ladybug steeled herself. "You love me because you want to. Because you keep _choosing_ to. Because you've been choosing to all along, and somehow I have yet to fuck up badly enough that you want to stop."

…about that. "Remind me later to tell you something about Syren."

Ladybug blinked at him. "Now's good."

"No, no. If this is going where I hope it's going, now is _very bad_. Please continue."

"Okay," she said uncertainly, pressing her cheek into his hand. "Um. I'm…not sure if this next bit is true. Like, historically speaking. But I don't know how I could figure out if it is or isn't. And I _want_ it to be true. I am choosing to know it's true."

"Go on," Chat whispered, heart in his throat.

Ladybug swallowed. "I don't know when I fell in love with you."

He stared at her.

"I know why I didn't notice," she continued. "Lightning is bright and bold and loud. It moves fast. It's hard to miss. And plants grow _slow_." Ladybug smiled at him, something soft and glowing. "I've been watching where the lightning struck for so long I didn't see all the green things sneaking in. I didn't look."

"…my lady?"

She couldn't be saying this. Any of it. There was no way this was for real.

"Yeah," she answered. "Your—"

A worryingly long pause.

"—ah, shit."

"I knew it was too good to be true," Chat muttered.

"Shut up." She closed her eyes and let her head fall forward onto his shoulder. "Now I feel like I can't pursue _either_ of you without being disloyal to the other one."

Chat rolled his eyes. "So now we get to wait till you see which way the cat jumps?"

"You're not helping."

"For what it's worth," he said quietly, "I think I get it. I wonder sometimes what it would be like if Marinette kissed me. Her and a couple other people. Like, I started that months ago, this is not a new thing. And every single time, I have had to imagine you giving me permission to kiss them before the fantasy gets anywhere."

Ladybug lifted her head; tear tracks glistened on her cheeks. "Really?"

"I'm _yours_ ," Chat reminded her.

"You're mine," she agreed, and exhaled in a disgusted sort of way. "This is ridiculous anyway. I've never told him. Not for want of trying; the words just never come out in a straight line. I think he knows by now—I kissed him on the cheek a couple weeks ago, and our whole class cheered. But I don't know how long he's known, and if he's interested in _me_ then he could say something himself!"

"This is true," said Chat, thinking guiltily of Marinette. "He could."

"I think he knows," Ladybug said again. "I think he's ignoring it and hoping it goes away. Because I probably _would_ flip out if he said flat out he isn't interested, and he probably knows that, and he'd rather sneak around me here than face me dead on. Especially if he thinks it would screw up our being friends if he turned me down. I don't think it would, but if he doesn't want to risk it, I can't blame him. We _are_ friends. He doesn't have many."

Chat winced. That was way more accurate a description of his relationship as Adrien with Marinette than he wanted to admit.

"Which still leaves me hanging." Ladybug looked away. "Like I said. Spineless."

"So," Chat croaked, and gulped, and tried again: "So what are you going to do about it?"

She sighed. "I don't know. Marching up to him and saying 'I don't want to date you anymore', whether it's true or not, sounds rude enough before considering I never told him I want to date him to begin with, don't you think?"

"True."

He considered this.

"My opinion may be biased," he said at last, "and I want you to do what will make _you_ happy more than I want you to do what I'm about to say you should, if it turns out they're different things. I need you to know that."

"I'm listening."

"You're saying you want to be in love with me," Chat said. "And maybe you want to be in love with him and maybe you don't, but either way you already are. It's just that he's the lightning bolt kind and with me you need a weed whacker because I grew on you."

Ladybug sputtered out a laugh.

"Here's the thing, though," Chat went on. "The lightning bolt thing, that's one and done. That might make for a good one-night stand, if you two were older, and that's not a bad thing. It's also not a lasting thing. If you want it to last—"

"—I have to work at it," she realized. "Which, with him, I haven't really done."

"Exactly."

He paused.

"If," Chat said, and stopped, and when she looked at him concernedly he pressed on, "if you want to try to—to tend both these gardens, I guess—I think that could work. I think I'm okay with that." Taking second place in Ladybug's heart to the spineless, consciously oblivious coward she described—this was unfair of him and he knew it, but still; second place was better than not in the race at all. "Just let him know you're dating someone else as well, and make sure he's okay with that, and it probably wouldn't hurt to think about whether you're okay with someone you're dating also dating someone else."

He did not glance over at the light in Marinette's window.

"But—" This was a lot harder for Chat to say than it had any right to be. "But if you decide you only want one of us—you know I'm interested. And you think he's not."

"So you think I should choose you, not him." Ladybug met his eyes. "I should work to love you, and not him."

"Yeah," he answered. "Something like that."

* * *

Marinette glanced up from her crochet project when Alya opened her apartment door. "Adrien!" Alya exclaimed. "You made it!"

"Yeah." Adrien was smiling, but he looked like hell. That was almost definitely concealer, not a sign he'd slept enough—like the entire past month, only worse. "I got out early for good behavior."

"They overwork you, dude," said Nino from in front of the living room television, not even bothering to take his eyes off his round of Mario Kart against Lila.

"You wish you were pretty enough to work this hard," retorted Adrien, flopping down on the far end of Marinette's sofa. "Hey, Marinette. Lila."

"Hey there, handsome," cooed Lila, which moment of inattention sent her cart off the course. "Augh!"

Adrien laughed. "Eyes on the road there." He turned to Marinette, nodding at the T&S box beside her with _MDC_ scribbled on top. "Did you bring me cookies?"

"Get your own," snapped Marinette, and immediately flushed. That was…probably not the best lead-in to the conversation Chat Noir wanted her to have with Adrien if she wanted to love them both. Not that here—well, any setting containing Lila—was the best place for it, but whatever.

"But these are right here," Adrien protested. "I want these ones."

"You really don't," said Lila, claiming fifth place. "I don't know what's in them but they taste like cat food. Marinette is more than welcome to keep the lot."

Adrien eyed Marinette consideringly. "Now I'm curious."

"Oh, _fine_." Marinette shoved the box at him. "You don't have any food allergies, right?"

"None," Adrien confirmed, taking a cookie. "Lila, your taste buds need examined," he said through half the cookie. He swallowed. "Chocolate chip cricket cookies are not that bad."

Marinette stared at him.

"Chocolate chip _cricket_ cookies," repeated Alya, arms folded. "Marinette's mystery ingredient, which you recognize by taste, is _cricket_."

"Crickets turn their food into our food a lot more efficiently than cows do, and they're high in protein." Adrien ate the other half of the cookie. "That said, I think I'll find something else. More bug cookies for the lady."

…this had to be a coincidence.

Right?

"If there is anything else, Alya?" asked Adrien, rubbing the back of his neck and watching Marinette.

"I'll refill the chips," Alya answered, collecting the mostly empty bowl.

"How do you feel about grilled lemony salmon?" Marinette blurted out.

"I doubt it's on today's menu," Adrien said wryly, with a glance at the unamused Alya.

And turned slowly back to Marinette, his eyes wide.

"Maman used to love it," Adrien said quietly. "I haven't had it since before she left."

Lila was watching them both, frowning. Nino grouched, "Come on, dude, you're not even trying!"

"But you knew that," said Adrien. "Didn't you."

Shit. Anywhere with Lila was _really_ not a good place for this conversation. Marinette flicked a glance at her, setting aside her crochet and chewing her lip—making both their excuses and bolting was an option, because it had to be, because akumas, but that didn't make it a _good_ option.

And Lila still thought she had a chance with Adrien, as far as Marinette knew, so she was certain to react horribly if she thought Marinette and Adrien were sneaking off to get some romantic privacy. Whether that was true or not. And Lila had a history of _failing to impress Adrien_ resulting in _akumatized Lila_.

 _I need to convincingly antagonize Adrien badly enough no one will think it's weird when we both storm out,_ Marinette thought.

Adrien, still watching Marinette, deliberately reached over and stole another cookie.

 _—I love you._ "Hey!" Marinette squawked. "Thief!"

Adrien shrugged expansively. "Defend your territory better."

"You choose _now_ to show some spine." Marinette glared at him. " _Now_. Over _my_ special cookies."

He blinked at her, bewildered, but returned fire without hesitation: "If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for."

"And here I thought your father surgically removed your spine years ago!"

Adrien gawked— _yes, Adrien,_ thought Marinette, _it's you, please realize it's been you all along_ —then his eyes narrowed. "Are you calling me a coward?"

Marinette folded her arms around the cookie box. "I believe what I said is 'spineless'."

"It was implied."

"It was inferred. I did not infer it."

"Oh, because you're always so open and honest with everyone." Adrien rose, putting distance between himself and Marinette and waving the cookie. "I should always assume you mean exactly what you say, nothing else and nothing more."

Shit. Maybe they weren't just pretending to fight.

Lila was certainly no longer pretending to play Mario Kart: she got up, abandoning her controller, and leaned in to Adrien's personal space. "You're right," she purred. "I don't know why you hang out with her."

Adrien took a step back, frowning at Lila. "Marinette has never kissed me such that the next thing I remember is I woke up stuffed in my locker."

Nino removed himself from the room.

"I know you were akumatized, Lila," Adrien told her. "So of course I do not blame you. But you understand why I might not want you too close."

Lila turned to stare pointedly at Marinette. "What sort of drugs did you put in these cookies?"

Marinette ignored her. "Is that what happened," she said to Adrien. "All I knew is one minute she and I were arguing and she wasn't that upset, the next I was yelling at a little purple butterfly, and two minutes later I was watching Ladybug chase you to the Eiffel Tower. Someone should tell Hawkmoth his stealth monsters suck."

"Really," Adrien said flatly, watching Lila.

"She was horribly out of character. And any jump Chat Noir can't make without his baton, Adrien Agreste can't make at all."

"Right." Adrien scrubbed a hand down his face and sighed. "Lila, a piece of advice? Drama club meets after school on Thursdays. You can lie for attention to your heart's content and everyone will like you better for it. And you won't lose anything when people realize you're lying, because it's _theater_."

"I don't know what you mean," Lila said, poisonously sweet.

So much for not akumatizing Lila again today, probably. And Marinette could tell Adrien knew it too. "I mean I asked you not to lie to me again," he told Lila, "and you just lied to me."

"And you're standing here defending _Marinette_ ," snapped Lila. "You know how you know she's manipulating you? She's looking at you and her mouth is moving."

"Funny," Adrien said, frowning. "I thought I was picking a fight with Marinette. Only you decided you wanted in. I'm perfectly happy to pick a fight with you instead. Unless it will upset you enough you're akumatized a _fourth_ time, because I am really not in the mood to play whack-a-mole with an akuma if I'm stuck being the mole."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about _me_ ," retorted Lila. "Marinette doesn't _do_ open and honest. You said it yourself."

"Why don't you keep your nose out of that," said Adrien, with the quiet edge that meant Chat Noir about to snap.

"She just wants you as handsome arm candy." If Lila were a tea kettle, she would be _screaming_. "And she doesn't want _me_ to have friends here at _all_. She told me so."

Adrien turned to Marinette, gaze flickering every which way. (Marinette wasn't seeing any purple butterflies, but that didn't mean none were coming.) "What is she talking about?"

"That argument right before she got akumatized last," Marinette answered, taking over watching Lila. "I wasn't going to tell you. I didn't want to sound manipulative or untruthful. And I didn't think I could count on you to have enough backbone to have my back."

…Fuck it. Marinette was _Ladybug_. Adrien was _Chat fucking Noir_. And they both knew it. Tactile teamwork was the name of their game and always had been, and after last night, there wasn't much doubt where they were headed. She could do this. If she wanted to.

She _could_ do this.

…She couldn't do this.

Adrien caught her eye and smiled.

Marinette stepped up beside Adrien and ran her hand down his spine. "Oh look," she purred. "Backbone."

Adrien slid an arm around her waist and smirked.

Lila shrieked something inarticulate, turned on her heel, and stormed out of the apartment.

"What the fuck even," said Alya, and bolted after her.

Adrien collapsed back onto the sofa, bringing Marinette down with him. "We should probably," he said, reluctant.

"Alya's got her," Marinette observed. She stole her uneaten cookie back from Adrien, then pulled out her phone—Tikki was grinning inside her purse, until she spotted Marinette noticing and adopted a disapproving expression. Apparently they were going to have words later. Marinette supposed that was to be expected. She pulled up the Ladyblog and showed Adrien her screen.

He nodded, reached around her, and took another cookie. "Do we still need to fight?" he asked, downcast, and bit half of it off.

"We probably need to something. I hope 'fight' isn't it." Marinette considered the seating arrangements. "If she doesn't actually get akumatized again, then that went a lot better than I thought I could expect. Even if she does, it still went pretty well."

"Oh." She could hear his smile. "Good."

Marinette got up far enough to drop back down into Adrien's lap.

Behind and beneath her, he went very still. Cautiously, he relaxed, pulling her closer. "Hi," he said into her hair.

"Hey there." Marinette stole the other half of the cookie with her teeth, freeing his fingers to twine with hers.

Nino poked his head back into the room. "Are you done fighting over whatever it was?"

"Yeah, we're done," Marinette answered. "Toss me a controller."

"Probably we're done," Adrien amended. "It's been an emotional couple days and I don't think I've slept six straight hours since that nightmare akuma last month."

…Yeah, Sandboy _had_ been right when Adrien started looking worn through, hadn't it? "You too? Ugh."

"Nightmare akuma?" Nino asked.

"It was like two in the morning," Marinette told him. "You probably slept through it."

"Count your blessings," Adrien added darkly.

Marinette refreshed the Ladyblog. No sign of an akuma right now, Lila or otherwise.

Nino eyed them both, handing a controller to Adrien, since Marinette had no free hands. "What's with you two? You weren't like this on Friday."

Adrien put on a confused voice. "Weren't we?"

Marinette elbowed him. "I'm pretending Adrien is Chat Noir," she told Nino.

Nino blinked at her.

"Ha," said Adrien. "I wish. Most of Chat Noir's problems are the sort that hitting them with a stick makes them _go away_."

Marinette snorted. "I bet Ladybug has an opinion on that. Especially with last weekend." Eventually they would have to talk about how Marinette had honestly thought she was lying to Chat Noir's face, but _not_ with an audience. She yawned. "Now stop talking. My strategy is working and you're messing me up."

"You mean you want a nap," retorted Adrien, "and I make a comfy pillow."

"Something like that." It wasn't an option until they could be a lot more sure they hadn't gotten Lila akumatized, though. Still nothing new on the Ladyblog; Marinette navigated to an archived post, with embedded news footage of the second, scarier, day of Stoneheart's attack. She played the muted video, angling her phone for Adrien to see, and paused it when Stoneheart started vomiting butterflies.

"Sound on," Adrien told her, frowning, as Nino selected the course for the next round of Mario Kart. "You paused right before the best bit."

"If you say so," Marinette told him, squeezing his hand. "You saw Chat Noir talking to Ladybug right then." The camera hadn't caught what he said, they knew. "I wonder what he told her. I bet it was important."

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Dreamwidth](https://alexseanchai.dreamwidth.org/) and [Tumblr](http://alexseanchai.tumblr.com/).


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